Do you find yourself hanging onto things from your past? Is change bringing up fear and resistance? Are there areas of your life where it is difficult for you to move forward?
“Every ending is a beginning. We just don’t know it at the time – Mitch Albom
Transition and change are an inevitable part of life, especially in our rapidly evolving world. While we celebrate certain big transitions (such as graduations, weddings, deaths, welcoming in a new year), for the most part we have lost the art of ritually marking the end of one thing, and making space for the new. As a result, many of us have difficulty letting go of what was and accepting what is, which may lead us to feel stuck or weighed down by old baggage. What I have found is that whatever the ending – be it the end of a relationship, the loss of a loved one, changing jobs, or moving from one place to another – holding a simple ritual can be very helpful in gaining closure.
Although the ritual will differ depending on what kind of ending we are marking, the following are four main elements you will want to include. You may want to light a candle or burn sage, and it’s also fine to keep it very simple. The most important thing is the intention with which you hold the ceremony. If your relationship is ending, doing a closing ceremony with your (ex) partner can be very powerful, but doing it on your own is also fine, if that is not possible.
1. Appreciation and gratitude
The first step is to express – either verbally or in writing – your appreciation for what is ending. In the case of a relationship or the loss of a loved one, what did you love about that person? What did you gain from the job you are leaving, or the living space you are moving from?
Depending on the circumstances around the ending, conflicting feelings may come up. Anger, grief, confusion, regret, disappointment… Allow the emotions to come up. See if you can track the physical sensations as they move through your body.
2. Lessons learned
If appropriate, make a list of what you learned from the person, place or experience. We often resist change or what is because we have an idea of how things should be instead. Recognizing ways that we have grown from even challenging situations can allow us to get perspective on the bigger picture and gain insight on how that situation might have served us.
3. Letting Go
Next, write or state the things you are ready to let go of from the experience (be it a relationship, an old job, a phase of life, a living situation etc.). Your list could include emotions or reactivity such as fear, anger, blame, or it might include patterns that came up for you such as making yourself small, focusing on negatives, not feeling valued, settling for less than you want, and so on.
4. Moving Forward
Finally, state what you want to attract into your life as you move forward. If you have left one job or living situation for another, express what your intentions and/or desires are for the new situation. If the future is unknown (one thing is ending but the next hasn’t begun yet, for example), close your eyes, and visualize in as much detail as possible what you are wanting to bring into your life. See yourself dropping that image into your energy field, and letting it ripple outward. That way, you are setting an intention for what you want, without clinging to it to closely.
“There’s a trick to the ‘graceful exit.’ It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, or a relationship is over–and let it go. It means leaving what’s over without denying its validity or its past importance to our lives. It involves a sense of future, a belief that every exit line is an entry, that we are moving up, rather than out.” – Ellen Goodman
© Jenny Brav
