Are there certain areas of your life where fear is holding you back? Are there other areas where fear is your motivator for action? Would you like to learn to navigate these with more ease and grace?
“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth” – Pema Chödrön
With the events happening worldwide and nationally over the past few months—not to mention the upcoming presidential elections-the vibration of fear is more tangible than ever. It is therefore a critical time to gain a deeper understanding of the impact fear can have for us as individuals, and as a global community.
The evolution of fear
From an evolutionary perspective, there are several reasons why fear is so potent.
1) Fear can be a life saver—mobilizing our internal resources to escape imminent danger and activating our fight-or-flight response. It has been shown that a certain amount of pressure can enhance performance (see the Yerkes-Dodson law) up to a point. Past that threshold, it can lead to overwhelm and the freeze response.
2) Fear is central to socialization. In both tribal and more complex societies, fear of the other can create a powerful sense of bonding/belonging. In addition, fear of punishment or public shaming are both strong incentives for following the rules. Historically, being outcast from our tribe greatly diminished chances of survival, and so fear of being shunned is deeply imbedded in our DNA.
Fear and coping strategies
On the other hand, fear can become debilitating when linked to a feeling of powerlessness arising from a conditioned response based on: a) past experiences or b) worries about the unknown future. In that case, fear can activate our freeze response, so we feel paralyzed and unable to move forward. The more frequently we experience fear (especially when it isn’t a response to something that is presently occurring), the less effectively we will be able to mobilize its resources when needed. Fear is so pervasive in part because the freeze response can be easily manipulated to gain power over other people, at least in the short term. Indeed, the frequency of fear is often used by governments, parents, bullies, and marketing strategies as ways to achieve their goals.
As such, many of the beliefs we acquire as children are based on fears that arise from our early experiences. Fear of being abandoned, of getting punished, of losing love, of not being good enough, of being rejected, of failure, and so on. We then develop coping strategies to manage those fears. These may include giving away our power to others the moment we feel afraid, or building a defensive fortress around our fear. Anger, shame, and sadness are all emotions that are closely linked to fear.
What is your motivation?
“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance.” – John Lennon
Two main energetic frequencies guide our actions: that of love, and that of fear. As we grow, we need to learn to dis-identify from our fear—so we can experience it as an emotion that runs through us, rather than one that runs us. In our culture, we often operate on the fear-based assumption that the end justifies the means. However, when we look at cause and effect, what we do isn’t nearly as important as how we do it. The identical action can have a very difficult outcome based on how we hold it.
For example, take the resolution to start exercising. On the one hand, the decision might be motivated from the fear of not being enough (not thin enough, not buff enough and so on). As such, we may exercise compulsively to the point of pushing past our body’s limit and cause potential damage. Or the decision might come from a deep respect for our body and health, in which case we are much more likely to honor our limits and achieve our goals. Same action, different outcome.
The next time you make a decision or take action, pause and see how you feel in your body. The energy of fear is linked to contraction and holding, while that of love is associated with expansion and lightness. Ask yourself: “Am I doing this out of fear or out of love?” Play with what it feels like if you shift from one vibration to the other.
Loving your fear.
Being afraid of our fear only serves to further disempower us. When held with love, however, the energy of fear will dissolve. While it might be counter-intuitive, understanding and making space for our fear can be its greatest antidote.
When you feel yourself tighten in fear, I invite you to pause. Breathe. Send acceptance to your fear. If you wish, you can imagine you are holding a wounded and scared animal—with great tenderness and compassion. Allow your own presence and love to start melting the fear. And you may feel the scared younger part inside of you start to relax and soften.
