Do you ever feel like a fake in one or more areas of your life? That if others “found you out,” they would never want to speak to you again?
“I have written 11 books, but each time I think, ‘Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.’” – Maya Angelou
My story
In 2009, I was the head of a small sub-office for the United Nations’ Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs in Western Nepal. Every day, I had to struggle to overcome the sense of not being worthy of the position – that they would soon find out they made a mistake in selecting me.
It’s an actual syndrome!
I was amazed when I looked it up a few years later, and discovered that the feeling I had experienced is a known and studied phenomenon with its own name: the impostor syndrome.
- The term “the impostor syndrome” was first coined in the 1970s.
- It is thought that up to 70% of the population will feel like a fake at some time in their lives.
- Success seems to increase the fear, as successful people are particularly prone to feeling this way.
So now that you know you are in good company, what does that actually mean for you? And how can you overcome this feeling?
Valuing what comes easily for you
We are conditioned to give much more weight to the negative than the positive, something experts call a “negativity bias.” From an evolutionary perspective, remembering danger was critical to our survival. Nowadays, however, focusing on what’s wrong just leads to ruminative thoughts and a skewed perspective on things. In addition, too often we take for granted what we are naturally good at, without understanding why others make a fuss about our expertise.
To counter the impostor syndrome, try keeping a daily journal where you track all the things you did well during the course of the day. Also, write a list of all your skills, and reasons you might be worthy of praise. Imagining that someone who knows you very well is writing this list can help you open up and explore deeper.
Shifting the focus from external to internal
From a young age, we learn that certain parts of us are unacceptable, while others are prized and encouraged. That leads to an internal split, that fosters feelings that we need to hide aspects of ourselves, and amplify others. As children, since getting our needs met is dependent on our caretakers’ approval, our desire to please them is a good survival strategy. As adults, however, the constant need for external validation leads to a perpetual feeling of not being enough, and of needing to prove (or disprove) our worth.
In my next post, “The Inside Out Switch,” I will explore ways of deriving our sense of well-being from the inside out, instead of needing external validation and cues.
© Jenny Brav
