I know that when we’re in the middle of it, there’s nothing “just” about fear. However, when we distill it down to its essence, fear is just fear. It may be triggered by something in our lives that is actually happening, or it may be activated by the hint of upcoming change. Fear often revolves around not feeling safe, or loved/lovable, or enough. Most of our bodies (unless the fear leads to disassociation) then have some kind of visceral response to the fear. We may feel butterflies in our stomach, contraction in our heart, a choking sensation in our throats, tightness in our shoulders…What makes the fear spiral until it feels out of control, however, is usually our thoughts about what’s happening.
In order to be able to address the fear so it feels more manageable, let’s first break it down.
Step 1: the catalyst
Before the emotion, there’s usually some kind of trigger. This might be an event, like losing a job. It might be the mere possibility of change that activates the fear. Or it might just be a thought. Whatever it is, let’s call this the catalyst.
Step 2: the catalyst triggers an emotion/physical sensation
The catalyst leads to an emotion, feeling of unease, and/or a physical sensation that we may not even be aware of. I’m focusing on fear today, but this is true for any emotion. Whatever we are experiencing is uncomfortable, and activates old beliefs and coping strategies.
Step 3: the emotion activates thoughts
Our discomfort then activates the mind, which fixates on the catalyst. All of this is very unconscious, of course, but the mind believes that in order to feel better we must fix/change/correct the catalyst. The thoughts might be focused on the future (what we need to do, or all the things that could go wrong), or they might be rehashing the past and situations that were similar.
Our thinking mind wants to help us feel less afraid. However, when we start going into our stories (I’m not enough, the world isn’t safe, nothing ever works out for me, nobody cares), or fixate on the future in order to fix what we are feeling in the present, our fear always intensifies.
To sum it up in equation form:
Catalyst –> fear/emotion.
Fear + thoughts = anxiety or panic.
There is an alternative choice for step 3, however.
Step 3 redo: loving attention
When we simply acknowledge the emotion, and hold it with care (my favorite way of doing this is to place my hands on my heart, or one on my heart and one on my belly), usually the emotion dissipates at least a little. Another way of doing that is to say hi to the fear. If you are familiar with EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques, or tapping), you can also tap on the fear (or follow along with my tapping video here).
Fear + loving attention = diminished fear.
Sometimes, we need to bring loving attention to the thinking mind before we can access the fear. Place your hands on your head, and/or simply say “hi mind. I know you’re trying to help. Thanks so much. And you’re actually making everything so much worse. So maybe we can be with the fear. We don’t need to be afraid of our fear.”
If you do all of the above, and you still feel activated and/or in a state of fear, you might want to do some of these movements to calm your nervous system, and see if there’s a shift.
May you reconnect to your innate sense of trust and safety.
© Jenny Brav
