From Stuckness to Flow *

Do you feel stuck in an area of your life, or in a certain pattern? Does it feel like there’s an internal tug of war between different parts of you?

“Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.” – Mandy Hale

At some point in our life, most of us feel stuck in one or more areas of our lives. This might come up in the context of relationships, work, or health. Or we might feel stuck in a pattern, habit or addiction we’ve been unable to shift. Recently, for example, I’ve felt a little stuck in knowing how to move forward with the revision process of my novel’s rough draft. I have felt overwhelmed and confused by often contradictory feedback I was getting, and my own doubts.

From an energetic standpoint, however, it is not possible to be stuck, as everything is in constant flux. However, there are many reasons we may get disconnected from that natural state of flow, and feel stuck. The following are five possible reasons:

We are resisting what is

When our current reality does not match our idea of how we want things to be, most of us go into resistance (for example, constantly griping about our work, living situation, relationship, health, or whatever we are unhappy about). Although the intention of the resistance is purportedly to help motivate us to change our circumstances, more often than not fighting with reality actually keeps us mired in it. As they say, whatever we resist, persists.

Different parts of us are at odds with each other

Feeling stuck is often an indicator that part of us is ready to let go of a belief or pattern, whereas the part that developed it is hanging on for dear life. For example, our adult self may have a strong desire to be more visible and step into our power, while a child part that got the message we had to hide to be safe is digging his/her heals. And the more impatient the adult part gets, the more terrified and frozen the child part is. This can be true for addictive patterns. A part of us wants to let go as we can see the harm it is causing us (and potentially others), while another part of us is terrified of being present and feeling what is here.

We are in a trauma or freeze state

When we explore deeper into the stuck feeling, there is almost always fear (of failure, of success, of visibility, of rejection etc.). For those of us who have experienced trauma and survived by going into a freeze state and/or by disassociating, stuckness may further be a sign of trauma activation. Feeling numb or empty is often an indicator of that.

We have a strong inner critic

Many of us have developed a negative inner narrative about ourselves. Although this voice’s intention is usually to motivate us to do better, many of us feel paralyzed by the constant self-flagellation. As soon as we start moving forward in our lives, the inner critic fires a litany of warnings/worst case scenarios. For more on the inner critic, click here.

We are holding onto control

Accessing a state of flow usually requires letting go of control, and trusting that everything is OK. Another reason we might feel stuck, is that our mind is busy trying to fix, control and manage, all of which are maintaining us in a tight, constricted place. As such, feeling stuck is also often linked to an inherent sense of mistrust. Mistrusting our inner knowing, others, the universe…

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So now that we’ve identified a few reasons why we might feel stuck, the following are 5 tips for accessing more flow:

Notice the stuckness in your body

When you feel stuck, where do you feel it in your body, and what does it feel like? For example, you might experience it as a weight in your chest, or an empty feeling in your stomach. Or your body might feel numb (or like you aren’t in your body) which as noted above is often an indicator of a survival and/or trauma response. Starting with physical sensations can help us gain some distance from any story we might have about the area of our life or pattern we feel stuck in.

Feel the emotions

Stuckness is almost invariably a sign of an emotion we are trying to avoid feeling. As you start connecting with the physical sensations in your body, begin to notice any emotions there. Is there sadness? Fear? Anger? Overwhelm? A sense of powerlessness? To the extent possible, allow whatever arises to be there, without judgment. And if you are too numb or disassociated to feel emotions, ask yourself: “if there were an emotion associated with this feeling, what might it be?” and notice if anything arises. If not, that is perfectly fine too.

Identify the beliefs behind the stuck feeling

Now that you’ve started feeling the stuckness in your body, and noticing what emotions might be associated with it, I invite you to start identifying what beliefs might be contributing to the lack of flow. If you have a strong inner critic, one way of doing this is by starting to listen to the negative inner talk. This might lead you to identify beliefs such as “I’m not enough,” “Nothing I do will amount to anything,” “I’m dumb,” “I’m not enough.”

Or you might start feeling into what beliefs/fears come up when you think about the situation or pattern in which you are stuck. Three beliefs that have come up recently with different clients were “it’s not safe to be visible,” “everything is a trap,” and “making the wrong decision can ruin the family.” The first came up when we were investigating blocks around money, the second when we exploring anxiety thoughts coming up around health issues, and the third when looking at fears around leaving a current job. Either/or beliefs are common as well: “I can either have connection or autonomy, but not both.” “Either my needs will get met, or theirs.” Our limiting beliefs may also be inherited from our ancestors, especially if those beliefs enabled them to survive.

Bring healing to the younger self

Start feeling into the younger version of you who might have developed these beliefs. What was going on in your life at the time to lead to that belief? If it feels appropriate, you might close your eyes, and imagine that your adult self is there with your younger self. Let him/her/them know that you are there. That you care. That they are not alone anymore. Perhaps tell them that it was smart of them to develop that belief based on their experience. And that it’s just a belief. Not the ultimate truth. If you and your younger self are ready to let go of the belief, you might write it down, and then cross it out or tear it up. You can then write down what new belief you might want to replace the old belief with. For example, “I’m enough.” “It’s safe for me to start trusting again.” “The trap is fear. I can open the door whenever I want.”

Visualize your life in a state of flow

Now that you have started bringing healing your younger self and releasing some of your limiting beliefs, I invite you to close your eyes again. Imagine that it is 6 months or a year from now, and you are no longer stuck in that area of your life and/or pattern. What does your life look like? What are you feeling internally? Visualize it in as much detail as possible. Then imagine that you are dropping this image into your crown (at the top of your head), and let it ripple out throughout your body. The invitation is to do that every day for 21 days.

Click below for a guided meditation that walks you through this process: