Clear Energetic Boundaries *

Do you ever feel like a sponge for other people’s stuff? Do some interactions leave you feeling depleted?

“Boundaries are, in simple terms, the recognition of personal space” –Asa Don Brown

When I first started doing healing work, there were days when I would come home feeling drained and un-grounded. As I began learning about energetic boundaries and practicing different grounding techniques, I discovered ways that I could use my natural intuitiveness while still maintaining my own energetic integrity. That discovery has been transformative both in my work and also in my intimate relationships. I feel less reactive, as well as better able to own my own needs and feelings.

The following are 5 tips for better energetic boundaries.

#1 Notice when you feel drained or depleted

We are constantly engaged in an energy exchange. This includes: how we spend our time, how much we work, what we eat, the people we spend time with, and so forth. Pushing past our limits is a culturally endorsed habit, and according to Psychology Today, a 2008 survey found that over 50% of Americans reported getting less than 7 hours of sleep. However, feeling chronically exhausted or depleted 1) is a clear sign that something is off-balance and 2) makes it harder for us to be in touch with or respect our boundaries.

I invite you to start tracking when you feel depleted/drained, and begin noticing factors it might be linked to, such as work stress, under-sleeping, lack of exercise, being around certain (types of) people or energies, tension with your loved ones, and so on.

In a separate column, write down what some of your go-to coping strategies for stress, and notice if those generally help you feel more energized. The ways we manage stress or check out (such as stress eating, drugs, alcohol, or compulsive use of technology) often actually serve to worsen our energetic depletion.

#2 Notice what helps you feel energized and grounded

Next, I invite you to write down what helps you feel more grounded and in your body. This may include having a certain amount of alone time each day or conversely a certain amount of social time, spending time in nature, movement/exercise, meditating, gardening and so forth. Close your eyes, and imagine you are doing one of those practices. Notice what that feels like in your body. Are there areas that relax of feel expansive? Breathe into those areas, and invite in more space.

# 3 Develop a daily routine that is nurturing

Looking at your list of activities/situations that are depleting and those that are replenishing, develop a daily or weekly schedule for maintaining your inner equilibrium. Try it for a week, and see how it feels.

For example, I have a checklist of daily activities that are nurturing (such as daily meditation, daily yoga, 15 minutes of writing, a daily break, going to bed by a certain time) and things to avoid (such as computer use the first hour after getting up and the last half hour before going to bed, sugar and wheat, spending more than 30 min on social media). When I do/avoid those things, respectively, it really improves my moods, my sleep, and my ability to cope with other people’s energy.

#4 Balance your energy field

Now that you have more of a sense of your daily energetic transactions, and what helps accrue or deplete your energy, I invite you to start exploring your energy field. All of us have an electro-magnetic field (or aura) around us. When we are balanced, our aura is about an arm’s length from the body in all directions, following the contour of the body.

Although it is particularly useful to be grounded when we are more stressed, for most of us those situations are when we feel most off kilter. This can result in our energy field being wobbly, thin, heavy, lopsided, or leaky. Boundary violations experienced in childhood can also lead to habitual patterns of either rigid or loose boundaries—or flip-flopping between the two.

At the end of the post is a guided meditation (also included in my “The Inside Out Switch post) that will help you learn to sense your energy field and ground. I recommend doing it twice a day—once in the morning to set your energy field, and once at night to clear it of anything you might have picked up during the day—for a week. Again, notice any differences. And if it is helpful, consider making this a regular practice

#5 Self-acceptance as a path to clear and loving boundaries

Many of us confuse boundaries with emotional armoring. In fact, the more we are grounded in ourselves, the easier it is not to take things personally and to have greater compassion for the other (as well as for ourselves). Indeed, having clear boundaries has little to do with others, and everything to do with our relationship to ourselves. Whenever we override our own limits/internal no, there is some part of us that minimizes our own needs. I invite you to notice all the place where you judge yourself or feel contracted. And practice sending compassion and acceptance to those places.

“Be in your own skin, as an act of self-loving.” –H. Raven Rose

Grounding Meditation: