Do you find your mind spinning out into worry and anxious thoughts? Is your nervous system jumpy and reactive?

“Anxiety’s like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you very far.” –  Jodi Picoult,

“When I run after what I think I want, my days are a furnace of stress and anxiety; if I sit in my own place of patience, what I need flows to me, and without pain.” – Rumi 

As a highly sensitive and intuitive child, I was prone to worry and overwhelm. The sudden deaths of close family members – starting with my father when I was 8 – intensified my sense of powerlessness in an unpredictable world. When I started my healing journey years later, I learned to view my anxiety as an indicator that some young part of me was feeling unsafe and needing attention. I also discovered ways to ground and find safety in my breath and my body, rather than seeking it in my mind and/or in the outside world.

In my experience, anxiety is often developed as a coping strategy for managing feelings of helplessness in an environment that feels unpredictable and out of control. From an evolutionary perspective, the fight-flight activation of our nervous system was intended to enable us to respond to specific threats and dangers, ending once we returned to safety. Generalized and non-specific apprehension, on the other hand, often leads to sustained states of hyperarousal of the nervous system, which has been linked to concerns such as insomnia, hypertension, certain heart conditions and so on.

The following are five tips for helping calm anxiety:

     1.  Identify and track your triggers

Start noticing if there is a pattern to your anxiety. Are there certain types of situations where your anxiety is heightened? For example, public speaking, having unstructured time, facing the unknown, being alone… I recommend keeping an anxiety journal for at least a week. Notice what thoughts arise when you feel anxious? What is your perspective on yourself and the world? What physical sensations are linked to your anxiety – i.e. sweaty palms, a racing heart, tightness in your stomach?

     2.  Send empathy to your anxiety

Although it may seem like your anxiety is just there to poison your life, it is actually a coping strategy intended to protect you from something. Now that you have starting tracking your anxiety patterns, I invite you to ask your anxiety what it is trying to achieve for you. For example, is it trying to give you a sense of control, predict all the worst case scenarios so you won’t be caught unawares, or avoid disappointment? If it feels accessible, send gratitude to your anxiety for working so hard to keep you safe and protected.  You may feel resistance to appreciating your anxiety because it is causing you so much misery. However, when the pattern’s intention is recognized and appreciated, it is easier to let go of old belief and start bringing in new coping strategies that are more adapted to your current self.

     3.  Connect to your younger self

Now that you have a sense of what your anxiety is trying to achieve for you, ask yourself “if there was an age when I first learned that I needed to _______

[for example, ‘hide my feelings to belong’], what age would that be?” Notice if a memory or an age comes up. What was happening at the time? Imagine that you are there with your younger self, letting them know they are not alone. Send them empathy/understanding for whatever they were going through at the time. And let them know that they are safe now, and that they are OK exactly as they are. If no age/memory comes up, you can just continue to give gratitude and appreciation to the pattern of anxiety.

     4.  Get into your body

The body is the seat of our emotions and needs, and is also where emotional and/or physical boundary violations occur. Anxiety patterns often arise as a response to feeling unsafe in the body. We learn that it feels safer to numb out, escape, or hide out in our minds.  When things feel out of control, our thoughts start spinning, trying to fix and figure things out. However, trying to find safety and grounding through our minds is a bit like a tree trying to ground through its branches and leaves, instead of its trunk and roots. That is not the function of the mind. Grounding and a true sense of safety can only happen when we are fully connected to our bodies.

Next time you feel the anxious thoughts arise, I invite you to pause and breathe. Connect to your body. This can take many different forms: stretching, going for a walk, meditating, being in nature, dancing, doing yoga, working out, and so on. Whatever you do, the invitation is to keep bringing your attention back to your body and the present moment.

     5.  Confront your thoughts

If the thoughts are still spinning or it is hard to connect to your body, sometimes confronting the thoughts themselves can be helpful. This is a way of creating some distance from our thoughts. Byron Katie has outlined four questions that can help us challenge and transform the power negative thoughts can have on us: “Is it true?” “Is it really true?” “How do you feel when you believe the thought?” “Who would you be without the thought?” Next time you feel yourself spinning on a negative thought train, see if you can hit the pause button and choose to get off it. May you experience greater calm and serenity.

Anxiety is the jittery feeling in the pit of my stomach.
It is the metallic taste of unease in my mouth, and the skittish beat of my heart.
Anxiety is the looping thought train that worries my mind in the wee hours of the morning.
It is my younger self letting me know she needs reassurance and love.
Anxiety is my reminder to slow down
Breathe
And return to the present moment

© Jenny Brav